Week Eleven

Parenting

I hardly feel qualified to share insights and pointers on this topic. Parenting is just something that I didn't feel at all ready to tackle. But some of the issues that we discussed helped to quell this concern a little bit. 

We started off our discussion with a conversation about what the purpose of parenting is. I was especially struck with how often we went back to the idea that parenting is about coming to know our Heavenly Father, and learning to be like him. I wondered how the notion and practice of parenthood would be different in our world if everyone- even LDS people- knew and understood and acted upon this understanding. Parenting would then not be about control or regulation, it would be an opportunity for both to learn and grow. Michael Popkin, whose parenting methods that we learned some more about, declared that the goal of parenting was to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive. 

Another idea that was introduced to me was the idea of natural and logical consequences. We decided that allowing children to learn from the natural consequences of their actions was the best way to teach them responsible use of their agency. This does not apply in every situation, however, there are three exceptions: when it would be too dangerous, the consequence would be too far in the future to be a good teacher, and if it would affect someone else. When we do have to create consequences in order to discipline, it is best if they are logical consequences. This means that the contrived consequences would still show in some way what may happen if that action continued, just in a smaller way, or for a limited time. This is an alternative to using punishment and reward to get the desired behavior. So, if a child misbehaves, you wouldn't sentence them to mowing the lawn. There is no connection to the wrongful action, so it will likely do nothing but create resentment. 

I still have so much to learn about how to be an effective parent- but I guess that's the point! There is no way that we can read enough literature and talk to enough experts to learn everything before having children. I do believe that there is probably no goal that Heavenly Father would be more anxious to guide us in than as a parent. Although I have a lot to learn, these tips, along with the guidance of the Spirit will help me to be successful.