This week we talked about Family Dynamics Theories. These
are theories used to explain how families interact, and what a model family
would look like. They are helpful as attempts to explain the ways that families
interact, but one does not always apply to every situation. As I explain them,
see how you could relate it to your family.
Systems Theory: Think of the family of a system of
individual working parts that affect one another. Each individual family member
plays a role in the overall workings of the family. Thus, an issue affecting
one member is going to have a toll on the whole family. Another aspect of this
is family rules. These can be unspoken or spoken habits and patterns that each
member understands, consciously or not. An example of family rules that my
family follows are the trips that we take each summer. It is a pattern that we
have come to follow. It is not spoken or defined, but if we didn’t go on one,
it would feel very wrong, but no one would probably know why. Looking for these
rules can help us to see why something feels wrong or out of place. This theory
would also explain why it was difficult for my family when I left for College.
A family member wasn’t just being subtracted, everyone had to make adjustments
because of the absence I left in every situation.
We watched this commercial in class and talked about the way that the family system was similar and different to the way that a car works as a system:
What do you think? What part do you play in your family?
Exchange Theory: All relationships are a matter of give and
take. This theory would say that we all act on the question of “what’s in it
for me?” and seek to do things that will give us what we want. An example of
this would be me offering to make my brother dishes if he will wash my dishes.
Symbolic Interaction: This system explains that every behavior
also has a meaning. Problems can happen when the intended meaning doesn’t match
the interpretation of the meaning. For example, if I make my brother’s bed as a
way to show him that I love him, but he is offended because he thinks he is old
enough that he doesn’t need to be taken care of, there will be discord, because
the intended meaning did not match the interpreted meaning.
Conflict Theory: This theory says that there will always be
conflict, and as a result, a struggle for power. It is important to understand
that conflict is natural, but the important thing is how we handle it. In a
healthy relationship, I think there would be equal measures of power and
influence.
We decided that Systems theory is most often useful to
visualize what is happening in a family. If we were to draw it out, this is
what my family would look like if healthy:
The dashes represent a boundary that makes it clear that
there is an executive system; that Mom and Dad are a team. It is open, though,
to influence. Think of it as a picket fence. It is clear where the boundary is,
but it can still be spoken through. Contrast this with a Brick wall, or a fence
with nothing but posts.
This is a very simplified view of my family- there is a lot more going on than what is represented in this chart. But it is helpful to see graphically how my family would ideally be organized. This way, you can see how it differs from what it ought to be, and then it is simple to see what changes need made to create a healthier system.
Ideas to Ponder:
How would you draw out your family? What do you think is should look like? Where would you put parents and in-laws?
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